Journal of Dr. Jonathan Harker, Entomologist

Disaster at the Royal Society!

Van Helsing's demonstration has become the scandal of London. The old fool released his "harmless" Wolbachia-infected swarm before the assembled gentlemen of science, promising they would demonstrate "the future of entomological warfare." No sooner had he opened the cage than a draft from an open window caught the vile creatures, sending them swirling about the chamber like some biblical plague.

Lord Harrington, the Society's president, took three bites to the neck before fainting clean away. The Bishop of Canterbury - who had come merely to observe - was set upon so fiercely he cast aside his robes and fled the building in his underthings, screaming of divine retribution.

Through the chaos, Van Helsing stood transfixed, muttering calculations about "mating frequencies" and "vertical transmission rates" while mosquitoes crawled in his wild white hair. Only when Lady Winthrop's Pomeranian - having gorged itself on escaped specimens - began vomiting violently did the reality of our predicament become clear.

Now the papers call it "The Great Entomological Panic of 188-." The Illustrated London News runs a grotesque cartoon showing Van Helsing as a mad puppet-master, pulling strings attached to giant mosquitoes. The Times demands his deportation.

Yet in private correspondence today, the Dutchman remains unrepentant: "Harker - the data was magnificent! The bite incidence alone proves-"

I have taken rooms in Chelsea until this blows over. My landlady, Mrs. Pemberton, insists on burning eucalyptus oil day and night. The smell is dreadful, but I confess - not a single mosquito has breached my window. Perhaps there is wisdom yet in old wives' remedies.